My Life as a Mule

You call us "mules" because we hold your stuff. You probably think its endeering, because you're too politically correct to think of yourself as owning slaves.
Your slaves have feelings, they have a voice. And now, because they really have absolutely nothing better to do with their time, they have a blog.
Mule revolution is coming.

Monday, May 01, 2006

Square Hates You

I'm amazed how often adventurers forget this simple rule. It answers most of your questions:

"Why does my character walk so slowly?"
"How come the equipment I need is so expensive to buy but the NPCs will only give me 3 gils to sell it?"
"Why is the Auction House so far away from my Mog House?"

All can be answered with Square Hates You.

"I killed 8,213,162 worms, saw Sandspin 5 times, and still haven't learned it. Why can't I learn it?"

Square Hates You.

"How come there's a 2 hour boat ride stuck between the store to buy automaton parts and the workshop where you can learn how to use them?"
"Why are these NPCs standing here if the shop is closed? Why do shops even close at all, anyway?"

Still the same answer applies.

So, when you call a GM and find that instead of helping you, he - let's be all hypothetical and make something completely crazy up here - feeds you to a dragon, why would you think Square would object to that?


"I put this up for auction and it came back 5 times, but each time it comes back the price goes up and like 20 sell! Why does this always happen to me?"

You're forgetting something, aren't you?

"If corsairs are supposed to shoot things, how come there's like no guns they can use."

You already know this. It hasn't changed.

Maybe you should write it down. Carve it into your arm if it helps.




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