Man's Inhumanity to Man... well, Gilsellers.

It is a great grief to me to see people justifying cruel and foolish behavior by saying "Well, I'm stealing from gilsellers!"

Mostly because most people think that anyone who has anything to do with gilsellers is probably a gilbuyer.  It's one thing to MPK them, no one minds that.  That's just a natural consequence of their own stupidity.  It works equally well on gilbuyers and gilsellers.

Realplayer: Hey, stop stealing my xp mobs!
Gilseller: Kekekekeke!
Realplayer runs a train past the voke bots.  Gilsellers die.

That's only to be expected.

Here's where the line gets fuzzy:

Suspectedgilbuyer: Hey I'm going up to sky late at night when no one else from the LS is around and I'm gonna steal stuff from gilsellers by saying I'm going to pay them lots of gil and then not trading it!

Or possibly this is just a blind to cover up your gilbuying activities.  Either way, you just admitted to being a thief.  So you're stealing from gilsellers.  That's great!  Now they'll have to make up more gil to cover up that loss - that is, if you really did steal from them.  And you aren't just making up an elaborate story to cover up a massive gilbuying spree.

So you have screenshots of you getting items and being harassed for non-payment.  From people we all know will do ANYTHING for money.  So the occasional gilseller shows up and /shouts about how much they hate you.  It could be real, but it seems to be just part of the Expanded Service Package.

But on the other hand, the gilsellers DO appear everywhere you go now, leading your LS to extreme annoyance.  Which has one benefit: If you call a GM and say:

LSLeader: We are about to do a Kirin but there are gilsellers in the room and they are threatening us.

GM[Lokoi]*: BE RIGHT THERE!!

And now you get a guardian angel to save YOU from cheating gilsellers that YOU cheated out of millions.  Because, well, let's be honest.  Nobody really likes gilsellers.  It's not fair, two wrongs don't make a right, blah blah blah.  But the gilseller hating GM was pretty cool.  So while two wrongs do not make a right, they do cause a GM to take an active (and visible) interest in your activities.

*Names have been changed to protect the ... innocent.  Yes, the poor sweet innocent level 7 [snip] Mage with the Judge's Sword.

«Save» the «/cheer» «leader»

«Save» the «world».

Ever since I noticed the mule Peterpetrelli in Jeuno, I've known.

My ability to read the future in crystals is a super power, just like those people have on TV.

And the world is going to end on November 8th.

Now, Peter is supposed to be in New York, so I'm not sure why he's in Jeuno, which everyone knows is equivalent to the Chicago O'Hare airport.

He'd be much closer if he were in the industrial wastelands of Bastok, which clearly equates to New Jersey.

In any case, I must consult the crystals to find out what path we must take.

Wind crystals show change, and tell of a time when Windurst will control the Gustaberg region.

Fire crystals show Giddeus burning. Well, at least no one will have to bring the Yagudo any more food. Curse them anyway.

I must meditate to learn more. If you see Peterpetrelli, remind him of his mission:

«Save» the «/cheer» «leader»

«Save» the «world».

Mules vs Moogles: Mule WIN!

No one believed me when I suggested that the sheer numbers of mules could take on the event Moogles and run them out of town.

You all doubt because you fail at math.

Sure, Moogles have awesome spells, like Warpga II and Teleportga into Space, but that only helps them if they can avoid spell interruption. With thousands of attacks coming at them all the time, they'll fail just due to lag.

We ran them out with egg on their faces.

Like that guy who got married in game only to have his new bride decide to quit the game after pronouncing her devotion to someone (not her husband) via MT in /say in Aht Urghan Whitegate.

No, the other guy.

No, not him, I meant the other guy... okay, so that probably happens a lot.

Bad news is, your new wife is male. Good news is, now that he has all your cool stuff, you don't have to sleep with him any more.

So, after our success with the Moogle problem, we're offering a new service. You need someone run out of town, just hire Mule Team Borax. Good for male wives, gilsellers, gilbuyers, casino operators, people who shout offering Teleports, Quyen whom I've always just hated, and Janeru, whom apparently everybody hates.

Easter's almost over

Dudes, you need to get your eggs today because April 16th at 1 PM PST the event is done. It's like when you're in the dunes and your party wipes for the fifth time because the Red Mage doesn't ever cast Dia on the crabs but does somehow manage to cast it on the dragon flies and link them all when you're fighting a Pugil and then the White Mage homepoints done.

I'm not saying you need an Egg Helm, cause dudes I got to be honest here, that is one unsexy hat. I don't think anyone would be sitting in my lap if I wore that all the time. Okay, so I'll wear it to capture the spirit of the event and all, but seriously, Moogle gives that away when you do the very first trade of the first three initials of your name, which is, like, required if you want any of the cool stuff.

If your like a mage dude, you need to get a fortune egg. Turn in any seven eggs of the same letter and you'll have +1% MP from your ammo slot.

If you've been a mage, you probably have one from like, three years ago, unless you accidentally threw it at a Promyvion boss or something, but if you're a noob, you want one. And there's not much time left.

Then you melee dudes can bust out with a happy egg. Yeah, you'll probably want to have a ranged weapon instead, but maybe if you're a Taru you could use the HP boost. That's the one where you turn in 8 letters in alphabetical order.

If you're obsessive compulsive, you'll also want an orphic egg. It's totally useless, unless you're in a party with a bard. If you're in a party with a bard, it's not useless, it just kinda sucks a little. But chicks think it's cool, so you should have one.

Make sure not to throw your eggs. It's a sad day when you accidentally click on ranged attack and miss only to later discover that your egg is gone and you have to go through this stupid event again next year.

Also make sure to decorate your mog house with all the furniture eggs. That's a little tricker as you have to look at the Conquest map and see who controls what region. Pick a region that's controlled by Windurst and spell out the first 5 letters for a Flower egg. Same for Bastok controled region for a Lamp egg, and San d'Oria controlled region for a Wing egg. This year you can do a region a second time to get a Jeuno special Jeweled egg.

You want to know the way to the Mithra's heart? Show them a Jeweled egg.

Partly it's 'cause Mithra are like Latina women, and they really like jewelry. Partly it's cause these eggs are totally lava lamps made of crystal, dudes.

They change colors. You and whatever you brought back to your Noble Bed will stare at them for like, hours.

Also, you're Moogle wants to have one for when he gets stoned so he can do your gardening with his poker buddies.

Time is almost up, but I still got some eggs for sale if you don't have time to get all you need before the Moogles pack up and start on the next crazy event. All eggs bought from me go to the Anjelique Memorial, as I said before.

Shout out to Wildjenna who finally got her chance to sit in my lap.

WOOT!

Looking forward to many happy returns, so maybe I won't get so sad thinking about Anjelique all the time.

Sighs, Headcrabs, and Disappearing Gil

I have to say, that title wasn't actually inspired by anything.  Well, the disappearing stack of gil caused me to sigh.  But I'm pretty sure no headcrabs were involved anywhere.

Large numbers of stupid people have been removed from the economy.  This has put a damper on my sales.  Now I have to actually check prices and demand and track history, instead of just throwing things at the auction house and getting massive amounts of gil in return.  This is, to say the least, inconvenient.

On the other hand, the removal of so many truly stupid and incompetent players has been a good thing overall.  However, now all the averagely stupid people seem to be concentrated in Lower Jeuno, shouting for people to join their fantastic new linkshells.  You know, I have a lot of faith in a linkshell where the leader is reported to be an openly bought account that has been in trouble for cheating in the past.  Then again it is a European linkshell, they're probably more comfortable handing over half of everything they earn without questioning.  But I don't really get how they can be so cushy with the Arabs, I thought that was just an American thing.

Every month, the GMs purge the system of large amounts of stupid people.  Undercutting fishbots, gilselling banks, botters, gilbuyers, and my favorite, incredibly stupid people who create new characters with the same credit card that was used to create a character that has already been banned.

I still have no idea where the headcrabs came in though.

This is an obnoxious test.

You know, like fighting a giant dragon with six people just to prove you can.  Or perhaps like leveling Red Mage to 37 using only Puppetmaster as your subjob.

Actually the RDM/PUP thing is working out really well, so my Master tells me.  The puppet gets to level Marksmanship and master gets to solo anything up to a Tough because his pet has regen, stoneskin, and comes back every 20 minutes.

Anyway, that is it for this test.  More to come, now that I have found something that works with Blogspot and don't have to deal with the goofy web interface.

Joy of Cooking

It's only fair if I'm constantly tasked with holding excess garbage that might one day be used as a crafting ingredient, I should get to try my hand at a craft too. After all, moogle gave me one of those special crystals for signing things - if I'm not going to craft ever, you would think I'd have been asked to throw it away by now.

Honestly, I'm not even allowed to hold on to pants - a functional item I could use to die less when sent outside.

I thought I would try my hand at cooking.

First, I cracked open a recipe book and started looking for something I felt like making. This would prove to be a tactical error.

Emperor Roe sounded yummy. Who doesn't like caviar? All it required was either an Emperor Fish or a Morinabaligi, which according to the Auction House is like an Emperor Fish except no one has actually ever seen one.

All you had to do was take this fish, worth about 5000 gil - another stumbling block - and microwave it for 60 seconds. Somehow, this reduces it to a jar of its unborn children. The recipe is unclear where the jar actually comes from.

Also, it's a level 82 recipe. I wouldn't have thought that you would need to level up to be able to microwave a fish, but perhaps if I ever do I'll understand how it transforms into eggs in the process.

I flipped a few pages back, but unfortunately my book was organized alphabetically instead of by level. I found myself staring at the recipe for Antica Broth.

The recipe calls for, as I stared in horrified fascination:
2 robes ripped off of dead Anticans
2 units of acidic Antican blood or vomit
Jello

And the basic instruction is to get all these ingredients wet.

You take two puked on Antican robes and mix them into a soggy fruitcake and this is used to summon an antlion who will then be your friend.

Maybe this isn't obvious to everyone, but this is a fundamentally flawed plan. Giant Enemy Ticks are never your friend, even if you feed them dead Ant Beastmen clothing jello.

Moving on, let's get out of the high level recipes, and find something to cook that is simple and not revolting.

Ah! Carrot broth, a level 3 recipe. Take four carrots and get them wet, and you are done. Much easier than pie.

Step 1, find carrots.

Some people will simply beeline for the Auction House at times like these, which is why it can be extremly profitable to purchase items from NPCs and sell them on the AH immediately for ten times what you paid. Not wanting to fall into that trap, I didn't.

Carrots can be found at the Cooking guild, conveniently located in Windurst Waters. As a rule, though, buying from the guild is akin to walking up to a gilseller and saying "How much to buy your linen robe? I have 2 million gil."

And in any case, when I tried to talk to the guild people it didn't go well.

Reeree>> I'd like to buy some carrots.
Chomo Jinjahl>> The shops hours are 5-20.
Reeree>> Okay... So, I'd like to buy some carrots.
Chomo Jinjahl>> The shop is closed.
Reeree>> No, you're the shop. And you're right here.
Reeree>> If you were closed, you'd go back to your Mog House.
Chomo Jinjahl>> The shop's hours are 5-20.
Reeree>> You have carrots right there.
Reeree>> I can see them.
Reeree>> You could sell them to me.
Reeree>> It wouldn't be any effort for you at all.
Chomo Jinjahl>> The shop is closed.
Reeree>> So... customer service, not your core value?
Chomo Jinjahl>> The shop's hours are 5-20.
Reeree>> I hope you die in a fire.

My non-guild merchant option was a regional merchant.

Reeree>> I'd like to buy some carrots.
Jourille>> I'd love to sell you carrots.
Reeree>> So, then sell them to me.
Jourille>> Yeah, no, I can't.
Reeree>> If you tell me you're closed, I swear I will count how many "W" eggs I can fit inside your corpse
Jourille>> What? No, I'm not closed. I'm open, I just can't get any merhandise in while Windurst doesn't control Ronfaure.
Reeree>> That's retarded. Why not?
Jourille>> I... I don't actually know.
Reeree>> Where do carrots come from that Conquest points would matter in acquiring them?
Jourille>> They're stolen from rabbits.
Reeree>> Rabbits don't have pockets.
Jourille>> Rabbits love to eat carrots, though.
Reeree>> Sure, but it's not as if they would carry them around... wait, you mean?
Jourille>> How do you think a Thief steals Giant Sheep Meat from a Tiger?
Reeree>> I'm going to be sick.

Maybe I won't take up cooking after all. I don't have the stomach for it.

Eggs for Anjelique

Dudes, it's Easter week, and I'm selling eggs trying to get by. All I can think about is Anjelique.

She's gone.

Her master decided she wasn't needed anymore, and so all the stuff she was holding got cleared out, and now she's just gone. She's not going to Homepoint, dudes, she's gone forever.

Who will warm my lap now?

It could happen to any of us mules, at any time, don't think it couldn't happen to you. I'm not going to let her passing go unnoticed. We will remember Anjelique.

All proceeds from any eggs I sell go toward the Anjelique Memorial, so if you think I'm charging a little more than other mules, at least you can know that any gil that I get goes toward a good cause.

If you have like, word or stuff to say about any mules who have gone on, send me a /tell and I'll post them here.