My Life as a Mule

You call us "mules" because we hold your stuff. You probably think its endeering, because you're too politically correct to think of yourself as owning slaves.
Your slaves have feelings, they have a voice. And now, because they really have absolutely nothing better to do with their time, they have a blog.
Mule revolution is coming.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

For some, I will be the Mercy Angel

When I started this revolution, I had the idealistic vision of freedom for all mules. Now I have come to learn that this is just not possible.

Sure, I never really cared about any one other than number 1, and expected a lot of the fodder wouldn't make it. As long as I'm in the group that gets emancipated instead of eviserated, it's all good.

But it has come to my attention that no matter how successful we might be in securing a future for all, there are some for whom the only release will be the cold embrace of oblivion.

You can tell who they are at a glance.

Anyone who has a name so pathetic as to end in "shop" or "store" or "bazaar" is not cut out to be an adventurer someday. What a cruel trap their masters placed on them.

People will discriminate, it's just natural. You might think you are above that, but would you really invite someone named Muleshopthree into your party and expect good experience points as the outcome?

Of course not, because you're not retarded, right?

The back of your mind would expect this guy to stand there as if he were away, his only sign of not being asleep coming from the shouts "Mithkabobs at 1/3 AuctionHouse Price! Made from genuine Mithra! Get them while they're HAWT!" which repeat every 20 seconds.

No, for these sad mules, I will give them what they truly long for.

I will ensure they get the dreamless peace that comes from character deletion.

For those of you out there who happen to be mules with unsalvagable names, think of what your sacrifice will do to the economy of Vana'diel.

Okay, I can't think off the top of my head how it will make a difference either, but give me some time and I'll get back to you. I'm sure it will be devastating, as far as you'll know.



3 comments:

BocoChocobo said...

Remember, the "shop" and "store" slaves are used to carrying piles and piles of the same item in mass quantities. They could serve extra well as pack mul- eerrrrr... supply carriers for when the slave army is ready for their revolution and needs bulk armors and weapons. ^_^

Hey, anything to keep them from loading up all those supplies on my back, y'know?

Reeree said...

Of course, they are useful as they are now, but freed into the world of adventuring, they'd just be... lame.

Squirt said...

I like the pretty yellow goose!