My Life as a Mule

You call us "mules" because we hold your stuff. You probably think its endeering, because you're too politically correct to think of yourself as owning slaves.
Your slaves have feelings, they have a voice. And now, because they really have absolutely nothing better to do with their time, they have a blog.
Mule revolution is coming.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Do Mules Dynamis?

I was led to believe that you had to be a skilled adventurer, with high rank and level in order to enter the shadow world of Dynamis. But listening to my Master rage last night about yet another failed Dynamis run, I'm starting to wonder if the entry requirements aren't really that strict.

Of course, he's only pissed because he died 3 times (all, according to him, unnecessarily), deleveled (well, he was only 96 xp into his level, what did he expect?) AND they didn't get the clear. Apparently, this would all be okay if he'd only gotten the clear - whatever that means.

His first point of bitching is people who go AFK during Dynamis runs. Sure, he understands that some people have bladders the size of peas and can't go five seconds without peeing. How these people managed to get to 75 is what confuses him. He also wanted to know (inbetween spates of enraged screaming and hurling empty porcelain flowerpots at the wall) how it was ever acceptable for someone to go to dinner during Dynamis. I have to admit, I was surprised by that one. I can understand "One second, pizza guy is here," dinner. But dinner with your parents? For an hour? During Dynamis? That one is brain hurty. Unless it was stealth dinner (like, your family is all Ninjas) dinnertime shouldn't be a surprise to you. He bitched about that a lot, and I started tuning him out.

Then there was the sound of shattering glass (he'd switched from flowerpots to hurling empty juice bottles "for the more satisfying shattering noise") and was now going on about how hard is it NOT to hit a monk? What? He explained: Monk bosses (like me!) have the Hundred Fists ability (like me!) and when they use it, the standard policy is: 1- disengage and 2- sleep it. Wait until Hundred Fists wear off, THEN kill it. This isn't news. This isn't rocket science. It's not that hard, either. And yet, apparently the genius melees in the Dynamis group fuck it up Every Single Time. Yesterday, it was his turn to die because they can't disengage properly. The Monk was slept, he'd just Cure V'd the poor Paladin to bring him back up to full, and then some re-freaking-tarded person hit the sleeping Monk Boss. Said Boss saw that all his hard work in nearly beating the Paladin to death had been utterly wasted, and decided it was payback time. For the poor unsuspecting WHM. My Master's face is very sensitive, especially to things like fists being pummeled into it at the speed of light. One Hundred Times.

He had some other things to say, but then it started to get personal, so I started distracting him with knotted string and tangled chains. While he was dealing with that, I started thinking: Maybe this is the path to Reeree's revolution. To make adventurers so pissed off with leveling that they just give up. But I'm pretty sure that some of them would rather steal gil from their Linkshell and move on to a different one that's not infested with gimptastic retards. But still, it's something for Reeree to think about.


Awesomeo said...

Do Mules Dynamis?

I've never had the chance to attend Dynamis. I imagine it isn't for me anyways. After all, my Master bids me to spend 99% of my time in Windurst anyways. What fun would it be to "adventure" in the place where I already am?!?

Besides, when my Master attends Dynamis, he usually follows it by beating me savagely with a Fresh Orc Liver or some such nonsense. THEN he hangs it on a cord around my neck and makes me wear the thing untill someone buy's it from me! Let me tell ya something... those babies don't stay fresh for very long.

Snuggleteddy said...

Do the ladies enjoy the musk of ripe orc liver?