My Life as a Mule

You call us "mules" because we hold your stuff. You probably think its endeering, because you're too politically correct to think of yourself as owning slaves.
Your slaves have feelings, they have a voice. And now, because they really have absolutely nothing better to do with their time, they have a blog.
Mule revolution is coming.

Friday, May 26, 2006

These look like big, strong hands...

Dude, moogles are all about the adventurers right now.

Have you seen them? They're like, hanging out in the cities, bragging about how they've been, like, stalking you. It's kinda creepy.

Then they give you presents.

First they gave me a chocopass, and I was all like, dude, why are you giving me this garbage? I don't go outside, and the last thing I want is to ride half way to dangruf wadi just to be dropped off next to Leaping Lizzy since I can't even fight her.

That's messed up.

So the moogle had a good cry. I let him sit in my lap for a while, to calm the little dude down. It's not as cool as having hot chicks in my lap, but it was all right.

When I asked if he was feeling better yet, he offered me another present.

Snuggleteddy>> Not another chocopass, 'cause, dude, I'll just throw it away again.
Snuggleteddy>> And I can't take you crying again.
Moogle>> No, this is something different.
Moogle>> Something special.
Moogle>> Something important, kupo.
Snuggleteddy>> Whoa.
Snuggleteddy>> What is this?
Moogle>> It's a button.
Snuggleteddy>> It's, like, really shiny.
Snuggleteddy>> And red.
Snuggleteddy>> What's it do?
Moogle>> You have to push it every 4 hours.
Snuggleteddy>> Oh...
Snuggleteddy>> Why?
Moogle>> All of Vana'diel depends on it.
Snuggleteddy>> What happens if I don't push it?
Moogle>> You HAVE to push the button, kupo!
Snuggleteddy>> But what does it do?
Moogle>> Not pushing the button would be bad.
Snuggleteddy> As in, "don't cross the streams" bad?
Moogle>> Something like that.
Moogle>> Gotta go, stuff to do!

He left.

I pushed the button, and totally nothing happened.

So I waited 4 hours for the countdown on the button to reset. Somebody bought an Aspis from my bazaar. I pushed the button again. Nothing continued to happen.

It was kinda boring. I pushed the button every four hours for about a week. This sucks more than gardening. I stopped feeling like I was saving the world every time I pushed it.

I totally fell asleep.

I woke up to some kind of weird sound like a bunch of people were pulling off Reverberation skillchains around me repeatedly.

The bronze sheets in my bazaar flew out of my hands and sailed toward the Metleworks. They totally ripped through some Mithra named something like whorestore and splattered cat meat all over the ground. Then the shields I was holding ripped out of my bazaar and sailed off toward the metalworks like something out of Xena.

That rusty bucket dude was looking after his buckets as they flew away didn't have a chance to see what hit him as one of my shields decapitated him.

An Elvaan paladin in full AF just missed my head as he flew by.

I caught a Tarutaru paladin as he was sliding toward the AH and thought I would be able to hold on to him. Or her. It's really hard to tell when they have hats on. But my fingers slipped and a scream carried him away.

The Markets Auction House was shaking. I shouted "GET DOWN!" and drank one of the poison potions that Terylieze gave me.

I was face down and below the level of the fountain before the Auction House exploded.

Metal weapons, armor, smithing materials - all that stuff totatlly cam flying out like something out of Poltergeist, only scarier.

The Bastok-Jeuno Airship ripped apart into three pieces before dropping from the sky.

Then the entire Metalworks folded in on itself. I'm pretty sure from the screams and the splattering of blood and meat that there were people in there.

I was like, dude, I should make a GM call about this or something when the button started beeping. I pressed it, and everything went white and quiet.

And then I woke up. Again.

The button was still beeping, and the 4 hours were up. I pushed it, and it got all quiet.

Dudes, I'm totally scared, and I need some women in my lap to comfort me.

Like, what is this button really for that the Moogle gave me, and why do I have to be the one to push it?

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