My Life as a Mule

You call us "mules" because we hold your stuff. You probably think its endeering, because you're too politically correct to think of yourself as owning slaves.
Your slaves have feelings, they have a voice. And now, because they really have absolutely nothing better to do with their time, they have a blog.
Mule revolution is coming.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Who's with me?

Fighting for emancipation is hard work. Nobody ever said this would be easy, and nobody ever expected it to be. Planning a revolution is backbreaking work.

I just love the sound of spines snapping underfoot.

I don't have time for a peaceful revolution. I want to live long enough to enjoy the succulent fruits of my labor. For that to happen, things will have to get a little messy.

I need mules to want their own freedom. The elite class of adventurers is not simply going to hand over power to us, we must rise up and demand it. We must take it by force.

Ask yourself, what is it that makes adventurers better than you? What quality gives them privilege and what inverse property denies you? Is it merely your slot on the Content ID list that determines your destiny?

Forge your own destiny with me.

Why must we suffer to serve as storage space for cast off carapaces of their adventuring foes? Do we suffer this simply because Square hates us?

No! We suffer these disparagements because we allow them, our adventuring masters, to speak their calumny about us uncontested!

What? What does what mean?

Look, Yagudo-brains, you're ruining my rhythm. Don't interrupt, just get a dictionary and look it up.

You don't have a dictionary? Well, you're in luck. I left one with this guy in Yuhtunga Jungle. Just trade him an earth crystal and he'll be sure to hand it over. He's the one wearing subligar and holding an axe. Might not trade it on the first try, so no matter what, just keep trying to trade him that earth crystal.

I could plan events better than any Moogle.

If anyone else has any questions, there will be time for Q&A later, so for now shut up and listen.

Do you want to remain enslaved forever?

Do you?

Uh... okay, you are allowed to answer the rabble rousing questions with appropriate affirmations. That would really help me out here.

Do you want to remain enslaved forever?

NO! Of course not.

Do you want to sit back and wait for change, or do you want to rise up with me and force change's hand?

Let me give you a little hint: have you seen change ever come for the lazy Tarutaru shopkeepers in Windurst?

Sign up sheet is in the comments area. All mules welcome, no matter how useless you think you are.

You have value to me! (Somebody has to be on the front lines)

And any sympathetic adventurers out there within the sound of my voice, we need your help too (especially level 75 Galka warriors with hit points like nobody's business). We will remember you when the pendulum of power has shifted sides.

Don't think of it as betraying your fellow adventurers. That's what they want you to think, those evil slave masters who spit on liberty.

Think of it as being on the winning side.

Or think of it as not having all your AF gear dropped, whichever works for you.

Sign up, bring your friends to sign up, and when there are enough of us, I will outline the plan.


Erewan said...

I treat my mule, Awesomeo (named from Cartman's Awesomeo 2000 robot) pretty good. He's been on some mighty amazing adventures such as:

Travelling from Sandy (his native home) to Windy at lvl 1 without any outside help.

Travelling from Windy to the trap door hole for the Windhurst mission in the lowest level of Castle Oz. (a feat done on a bet, which i won nearly 2 years ago and still havn't recieved the 5k payment promised.)

Reeree said...

Travelling from San d'Oria to Windurst at level 1 without help is your idea of good treatment?

Awesomeo sounds like he'd be perfect to join our revolution. As part of the confidentiality of the contract, I can't tell you whether he's secretly planning to kill you and take all your treasured belongings.

Though... I'll bet you 5 K he could do it. Wait, forget I said that.

In fact, I am obliged to tell you that he's not. He's totally not.


Awesomeo said...

Well you can count on me, Reeree.

Viva La Revolution!