My Life as a Mule

You call us "mules" because we hold your stuff. You probably think its endeering, because you're too politically correct to think of yourself as owning slaves.
Your slaves have feelings, they have a voice. And now, because they really have absolutely nothing better to do with their time, they have a blog.
Mule revolution is coming.

Monday, May 22, 2006

Rascally Rabbits!

I don't deserve this.

I solve calculus problems for fun. I could happily tell you the volume of the shape created by rotating a Rarab around the x-axis. Even happier to calculate the volume of that shape rotated around the y-axis.

Instead I get condescended.

"Here you go, Reeree. This Bronze Cap will help you look like Che for your little revolution."

I can't even equip that. You'll take me seriously when I'm stabbing you in the face while you sleep.

"You can't equip a dagger, either. You're so cute!"

I'm going to make a necklace out of her entrails, someday. Today, because that's what she as the master commands, I'm going to fight rabbits.

Off to Sarutabaruta, with good old signet. Remember signet? That's that old Conquest thing everyone was so concerned about before you all gave up and became mercenaries only concerned with Sanction. While you're off saving the Near East from being Beseiged, nobody back home is keeping the beastmen at bay. Don't complain to me when you can't buy your cooking ingredients from vendors.

Rarab> Eh, what's up, doc?
Reeree> Listen, this is going to hurt you more than it hurts me.
Rarab> Ho ho!
Reeree> I'm here to kill you, but don't take it personally.
Reeree> She made me do it.
Reeree> Of course, that doesn't mean I won't enjoy it a little.
Rarab> Ha ha!
Reeree> I'll ho ho and ha ha you!
Rarab> Bring it.

I whipped out my quarterstaff and used the techniques taught to me by the master. No, not the slave-owner. A staff-fighting master.

Reeree> Ho! HaHa! Guard! Turn! Parry! Dodge! Spin! Ha! Thrust!
Rarab> Foot Kick.
Reeree> What was that?

Rarab uses Foot Kick.
Rarab hits Reeree for 26 points of damage.

Reeree> If I were a Blue Mage, I'd be happy you just used that.
Rarab> If you were a Blue Mage, you'd have a subjob.
Rarab> And some hit points.
Reeree> Ho! HaHa! Guard! Turn! Parry! Dodge! Spin!
Rarab> Spin? Okay.
Rarab> Whirl Claws.

Rarab uses Whirl Claws.
Rarab hits Reeree for 37 points of damage.
Reeree was defeated by Rarab.

He knocked me into the river as he killed me. Not only was I dead, but my robe was all soggy even after I home pointed.

Mental note: check first, then attack.

A quick jog from the middle of nowhere, Windurst Waters (no, I've never been allowed to set my home point), and it was back to business.

Reeree> HALLO!
Rarab> Oh, this is embarassing.
Reeree> My name is Inego Montoya.
Rarab> No, it isn't.
Reeree> You killed my brother.
Rarab> No... I killed YOU.
Reeree> Prepare to die!

Reeree starts casting Stone on Rarab.
Rarab takes 107 points of damage.
Reree defeats Rarab.

Rarab> How did you?
Reeree> Don't mess with Tarutaru Black Mages.
Reeree> Now we're even.
Rarab> Not quite.
Reeree> What do you mean?
Rarab2> Excuse me...
Rarab2> Boot to the head.

Rarab2 to uses Foot Kick.
Rarab2 hits Reeree for 99 points of damage.
Reeree was defeated by Rarab2.

Reeree> You are low-level bunny rabbits!
Reeree> You are not supposed to link!
Rarab> You're a low-level mule.
Rarab> You aren't supposed to fight.
Reeree> Touché.
Rarab> And also, we're evil.
Rarab2> Why don't you put some pants on or something
Rarab2> If you're going to continue to fight evil today.

This would be easier if I were allowed to wear pants.


Anonymous said...

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Reeree said...

I can totally see how someone would find this blog when looking for Medications information.

Wait, no, no I can't.

If this is supposed to be comment-spam, you forgot to link back to your midget-porn. You fail even as a lowlife spammer.

Thanks for the artificial appreciation and encouragement.

Good luck finding your medication. I suspect you need it.