My Life as a Mule

You call us "mules" because we hold your stuff. You probably think its endeering, because you're too politically correct to think of yourself as owning slaves.
Your slaves have feelings, they have a voice. And now, because they really have absolutely nothing better to do with their time, they have a blog.
Mule revolution is coming.

Friday, April 14, 2006

¡Viva la Revolución!

I'm Reeree, and I'm a mule. Isn't that such a cute little word? I may be Tarutaru, but I'm not cute. Don't ever think of me as cute, or I'll burn your Noble Bed while you sleep. Don't insult me with your political correctness. Mule is a derogatory term for an unjust station in life.

Explain to me how being referred to as an impotent cross between a horse and an ass is somehow supposed to be less offensive than the truth?

We're your slaves. In America, slavery was abolished, but in Vana'diel all it costs is $1 a month. You might like to delude yourself into thinking you aren't a filthy slave owner, but you are. Call a spade a spade.

I don't get to have my own clothes. You know what I was told? "Throw that junk away. You can't sell it, and that space could be used for more important things." More important than modesty? Propriety? More important than my self-respect?

At first it wasn't so bad. The master would go adventuring, and I'd find a pile of junk in my delivery box. When I got stacks of 12, I'd take it to the Auction House. Later I'd find gil in my delivery box. Pretty soon I was sitting on a larger pile of gil than the master ever had.

She wouldn't let me spend it.

Not even to buy something to wear. Do you have any idea how ugly Tarutaru underpants are? Seriously, just let me put something on. She eventually gave me a robe. She didn't let me buy a robe, mind you. When she aquired some skanky robe that smells like it dropped from a Yagudo, that she let me wear. To this day I still don't have pants.

Everything about my life makes me root for the Goblins.

I have a brain the size of a '96 Buick Roadmaster stationwagon and refuse to accept that holding excess crafting ingredients is the apex of my potential. I dream of freedom. I envision a world in which all mules are free, on equal status with "real" adventurers. I will lead all mules to emancipation!

Actually, I'm just saying that to get some other morons to help in my cause. I don't care about the rest of them. Truthfully, I hate them all. It's all about me. It's always been all about me.

Some day, you'll be carrying gear for me.

1 comment:

Terylieze said...

I could hold stuff for you now! Master always wants me to get all the fire crystals I can! Do you have any fire crystals you don't need?