My Life as a Mule

You call us "mules" because we hold your stuff. You probably think its endeering, because you're too politically correct to think of yourself as owning slaves.
Your slaves have feelings, they have a voice. And now, because they really have absolutely nothing better to do with their time, they have a blog.
Mule revolution is coming.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

One hit wonders

I've heard that everyone wants to have bards in their parties. Why?

For the love of Altana, why?

Those guys are annoying as all get out. They only know like 5 songs. Even when their spell list is full, they only know 5 songs. They have as much variety as Taco Bell.

And they sing like they are adults in It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. Totally creepy.

You know why Threnody gets so much hate? Because the monsters are freaking sick of hearing the same old songs over and over again.

I saw a party of 5 bards and a warrior, once. I can't ever unsee that.

Thom : OHMIGAWD! A Bumblebee! OY!
Jai : EEEEK! I just peed!
Kyan : Those things are totally unhygenic.
Kyan : I have to brush my hair and use some Crest Whitestrips now.
Ted : I bet it has honey! Mmmm. Honey.
Carson : Ohh, let's make the straight guy fight it,
Kyan : and then maybe moisturize.
Carson : and then cover him with honey!
StraightGalka : ..........
Carson : I get the honey, but where's the bumble bee holding the pot?
Carson : Oh, I bed I know!
StraightGalka : ..........

I had to cast Stone on myself twice to escape that.

But despite the horror, I see bards as an opportunity.

No, not that kind of opportunity, I'm a girl.

You see, I've got MP3s, and I've got ideas. When the pied pipers stroll through Windurst Woods, I want to hear them humming Cold Play, Dave Matthews, Jack Johnson, Barry White... Genesis, for Altana's sake, anything but that wretched moaning ballad they're so fond of.

Yes, I want to sell the bards ringtones. Everybody loves ringtones, right? And you have to be filthy rich to be a bard in the first place, so why not throw some of that disposable income my way?

I get money, bards get actual music. The people in their parties get down, get down, and do a little dance. Everybody wins.

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