My Life as a Mule

You call us "mules" because we hold your stuff. You probably think its endeering, because you're too politically correct to think of yourself as owning slaves.
Your slaves have feelings, they have a voice. And now, because they really have absolutely nothing better to do with their time, they have a blog.
Mule revolution is coming.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Easter makes the ladies love me more

Chicks dig Galka. I don't know why that is, but being Galka, I don't look gift horses in the teeth.

Normally, I spend my days sitting by the fountain in Bastok. I don't talk to people much. The boss lady gives me armor and weapons she doesn't need any more, and I show them to people who come along looking for a good deal. Something about this make women flock to my lap.

Maybe it's the way I smell? My sweat's got a bit of garlic in it, and I think they like it. Then again, maybe it's not the garlic. Maybe its, like, the gil. I've always heard that chicks totally dig rich dudes, and after Easter, I'm rich.

Not legendary rich, mind you, but rich enough that I smell like money. You see, these moogles came out and started handing out eggs. I guess you're supposed to spell stuff for them, trade them back for furniture or throwing eggs. I'm pretty happy with my one rusty bucket furnishing my Mog House, and don't need to throw nothing cause I don't go outside. Ever. So I did what I always do with stuff that gets handed to me. I sold it.

I'd just been watching the first season of Lost on DVD (mules don't get cable), so I put the numbers 4 8 15 16 23 42 in my bazaar comments. Within 16 days, I earned over 42 million gil. I figure if bad luck strikes those around me, but I get richer, more chicks for me.

I know that some players are really busy, and while they want to do all the events, and collect all the stuff, they don't actually want to spend any time at it. They've got Gods to go fight, after all, and time is money. Eggs are money, too, apparently. Those nice people paid 150,000 for an "A egg".

I called Meroduin and told him about it. Told him, "Dude, I'm up to 8 hot chicks in my lap at once. You gotten get some of this." I don't think he likes the idea of chicks in his laps. "Dude, maybe one of the Taru was a dude. It's kinda hard to tell. You gotta lift them up." He hung up on me.

All I had to do was talk to the Moogle once an hour, and really fast I was getting offers 4 times a day from Fox networks to be the next stud guy on a new season of "Who wants to sit in the lap of a millionaire?" I'm so bummed Easter is over.

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