My Life as a Mule

You call us "mules" because we hold your stuff. You probably think its endeering, because you're too politically correct to think of yourself as owning slaves.
Your slaves have feelings, they have a voice. And now, because they really have absolutely nothing better to do with their time, they have a blog.
Mule revolution is coming.

Saturday, July 01, 2006

You should have treated your NPCs better

I'll be the first to point out that mules have a tough life.

We get no respect. We're forced into slavery though no other reason than by which order of content ID created us. That's just unfair.

But today I met some folks who have it somewhat worse off.

I hopped out of the Mog House in Windurst Waters and was on my way to buy some food from the restaurant when I happened to notice a large crowd of adventurers.

Well, they almost looked like adventurers, but of each of the races there were lots of repetitions of the same three faces.

Also, four hundred thirty seven of them were named Nanako. Two hundred twenty five were called Wagwei. I can notice a trend.

Reeree>> Who are you guys?

About a hundred Elvaan guys named Chanandit pointed to the rendezvous point.

Sixty Tarutaru ladies named Yufafa explained that they were NPCs from the buddy quest.

I asked why they were all hanging out in town. Zenji started crying. All fifty three of them. Some were wearing subligar. I never want to see a Hume man in subligar cry again. Remind me to stab out my own eyes.

Turns out that while all of these fine people had managed to level up to 30 on their own, once they hit 30 they were stuck.

Reeree>> Yeah... the Mandy's in the jungle are too easy, but the goblins are still pretty hard unless you have a competent party...

Radille1>> No, you don't understand.
Radille2>> We can't level by ourselves.
Radille3>> We have to wait for an adventurer to call us
Radille4>> Using a signal earring
Radille5>> And then we can only stay for a few minutes
Radille6>> So you can see how that would be really hard
Radille7>> It's almost impossible for us to level up any more.

I was getting kind of dizzy listening to all those Elvaan woman finish off each other's sentences. I began to wonder about those mushrooms Terylieze sent me. I hadn't eaten them, mind you - I would never put anything that a Mithra touched into my mouth - but perhaps just contact with them could cause delusions? Blame the Mithra or the mushrooms, either way works for me.

Raka Maimhov, speaking of Mithra, lamented about how her adventuring partner is really high level, but still insists that she use provoke. So he brings her out in places like Castle Ostroja, she dutifully provokes monsters off of him, and the jerk sits back and lets her die.

Once every twenty hours.

She's down to level 5. That's just mean.

I have to get to know that guy.

I could empathize with these guys, even if the redundancy did creep me out a little. I gave them some idea to make their time with adventurers more enjoyable.

1) Wait till they pull a few links, then suddenly leave in the middle of battle.

They'd already thought of that.

2) Arbitrarily change what armor you bring based on who controls the area where they call you out, and then for the ones who like to play paper dolls, randomly toss on a pair of scale leggings just to make their head explode.

Again, that was part of their repertoire.

3) Use the signal pearl in reverse.

That one was new, and had some potential.

We brainstormed for a little bit, and then I left them to carry out their darkest desires.

At roughly 10:07 on Firesday, all the NPCs used their signal pearls.

Level 24 adventurers found themselves suddenly duoing monsters in Dynamis with their NPC buddy. They learned that FIraga III hurts a lot.

Some found themselves in places like Uleguerand Range or Attohwa Chasm where they were promptly devoured by dragons.

A level 3 corsair was introduced to the Kraken just in time for his NPC buddy to sneak past and become a Beastmaster.

It was my idea that they do it just before Besieged would have ended. Al Zahbi went from 714 people down to 4 mules, who were unable to sell their wares to the Lamia. The astral candy was lost.

Worse, they took the warp Taru.

You should pay more attention to your NPC friend. Treat others as you would like to be treated, because some day, you just might be.


WHM of Death said...

My mules have started reading your they are unconrolable!!

damn you

Reeree said...

And so it begins.