My Life as a Mule

You call us "mules" because we hold your stuff. You probably think its endeering, because you're too politically correct to think of yourself as owning slaves.
Your slaves have feelings, they have a voice. And now, because they really have absolutely nothing better to do with their time, they have a blog.
Mule revolution is coming.

Monday, June 19, 2006

Do I dare disturb the universe?

I was sitting in Windurst Woods, hawking Giant Femurs outside the bonecrafting guild. I hate to agree with Terylieze, but what about 20 giant femurs is subtle?

A crazy person runs up to me, looks in my bazaar, and then offers to trade. No introductions, no foreplay, just straight to trading.

I had to know what possesses a person to do such a thing. I agreed to trade.

Suddenly I'm staring at his offer of a purple dot.

A linkpearl? Who gives away link pearls to strangers? A little voice went off inside my head and asked: What good can come from this?

I should have listened to that voice.

I clicked ok.

The little voice spoke up again. Normally it tells me to stab people in the face, but today it sang a different tune (must have bought some of my bard ring tones). It told me to just drop the pearl and be done with it.

But the curiosity was too strong. Why would he give this to me?

The voice said the linkshell would be full of stupid people, and they might leak some of their stupid on to me.

It was a risk.

I put the linkpearl up to my ear and listened.

<Player1> Why'd you run?
<Player1> Never run in Dynamis, you idiot!
<Player1> There's nowhere TO run!


They gave a Dynamis linkpearl to a level 5 black mage with no subjob? Ignoring the pain of how stupid that is, I decided to listen more and find out what it is my master does in there. FIltering out the retarded, I might be able to learn something. I almost believed that.

<Player2> WTF?
<Player2> Raise 1? WTF?
<Player3> I'm a red mage, that's all I got.
<Player2> WTF? WTF? WTF? WTF? WTF? WTF? WTF? WTF? WTF?
<Player3> All the white mages are dead, because of your pull.
<Player1> You should have had Reraise up.
<Player1> Get UP!
<Player2> I'm not taking R1 EVER!
<Player1> You'll take what you get. Get UP!
<Player2> Other people got Raise 3.
<Player1> If you don't get up right now, we can't clear.
<Player2> Than sumone better cast R3.
<Player3> ...
<Player3> I already cast Raise on you.
<Player2> your spells aren't good enuf for me i cancelled that garbage.


I should have stayed out of it, but I was craving the smell of burning flesh.

<Reeree> Guess you'll be homepointing out of Dynamis, then.
<Player2> F YOU!
<Reeree> Did you play hooky from kindergarden to come here today?
<Player2> OMG! Sumbudy cast R3 cum on! WTF?
<Reeree> Why are you so much more important than everyone else?
<Reeree> What makes your experience points more important than their wasted time?
<Player2> I need the XP from R3!
<Reeree> So, for the time it would take you to kill two Imps in Aht Urhgan...
<Reeree> You've made it impossible for your whole group to clear Dynamis.
<Player2> what are you talking about?
<Reeree> I guess the Expansion Pack didn't come with when you bought your character.
<Reeree> Why not just have your brother buy you a new character when you lose experience?
<Reeree> Give yourself a whole new means of demonstrating how much you suck.
<Player2> y wont u r3 me?
<Reeree> You know what command would be good for you?
<Player2> yeah, r3
<Reeree> No.
<Reeree> /wrist


That original crazy person was trying to trade with me again. How much worse could it get?

He gave me an hourglass.

I switched linkshells, called a few friends, including one level 75 white mage Chinese gilseller (yeah, he was in that cell I busted, but he turned out to be a nice guy. A cheater, but a nice guy), and handed hourglasses to them all.

My gilseller friend, Buruirui, headed in, and went straight for the player who thought the world revolved around him. I was about to show him what that looked like.

I didn't have any spare worlds to revolve around him, so I settled for violence.

Buruirui used some kind of hack to cast an auto-raise on Player2. Yes, just a raise 1, but for the convenience of bots who aren't going to be around to accept, this one auto accepted, and auto-recast. The rest of his linkshell had left his corpse there, and gone off to farm.

<Player2> OMG WTF!
<Reeree> Brought you a present.


A hundred mules and I, ran past as many monsters as we could link, dropped our hourglasses, and headed toward Player2. Some of the mules didn't make it. Not surprising, since one shot would kill them. It's not like the experience we lost mattered.

<Reeree> Technically, I brought you a LOT of presents.
<Reeree> Hope you like them!


And then our 30 seconds were up. We all vanished, kicked out. But the monsters we were training wanted something to beat on.

And there was Player2. Auto-raising without any way to stop.

And again

And again...

I wonder what new replacement character he'll have bought tomorrow?

2 comments:

Galkizzle said...

No introductions, no foreplay, just straight to trading.

Heh heh heh.. I'll be reading this daily:)

Comment on my blog, some time:D

Galkizzle said...

Hm.. you said that my Mule may be the friend you're looking for?

Reeree, meet Tunacubes.