My Life as a Mule

You call us "mules" because we hold your stuff. You probably think its endeering, because you're too politically correct to think of yourself as owning slaves.
Your slaves have feelings, they have a voice. And now, because they really have absolutely nothing better to do with their time, they have a blog.
Mule revolution is coming.

Friday, June 16, 2006

New commands

You probably didn't read all that was included in the last update. I only say that because I'm confident most of you didn't read anything at all about the last update. Most of you just sat around whimpering and drooling on yourselves waiting for it to be over.

As a public service, I'll list some of them for you.


This command is useful for whiners and emo tards. When your Sims drama-meter is getting so low that you have to manufacture some drama or become physically ill and die, now you can simply type /wrist and be done with it.

It's just a little time-saving command that deletes your character, cancels all your Content-IDs, and takes the liberty to post as you on every FFXI forum it can find about how much you hate everyone on your friends list. Square is all about customer service.


Same as /wrist, but with Square's famous random chance of failure. If it doesn't delete and IP ban your character, you just get a cut scene.


This command requires a target. Type it in - make a macro, it's faster! - and instantly have pages and pages of gay erotic fan fiction spit out about you and the person you targetted. It works just as well on players as on NPCs or monsters. The stories are posted simultaneously in /say, /party, /linkshell, and /shout, so that everyone can share in the fun. Also, Square takes the liberty of posting the story output, badly translated from Japanese by a Korean guy who speaks neither English nor Japanese, to every FFXI forum they can find at the time.

Good times.

Note: using any of these new commands may decrease the likelihood that you will be invited into experience points parties. But, that's true of many things and has never stopped you before.

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