My Life as a Mule

You call us "mules" because we hold your stuff. You probably think its endeering, because you're too politically correct to think of yourself as owning slaves.
Your slaves have feelings, they have a voice. And now, because they really have absolutely nothing better to do with their time, they have a blog.
Mule revolution is coming.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Racial disharmony and Gil

In most educated circles, Chinese has become synonymous with Gilseller. This reputation is not undeserved, as there are quite a number of sweatshops in China where peasants earn their 1/8 ounce bag of rice by camping the Spook or something equally irritating.

Chinese selling gil isn't all that surprising. The country is huge, with lots of poor, desperate people who can't afford to eat. As you probably don't know what it's like to go a week without McDonalds supersized value meals, it's unlikely you would understand what motivates them to rub their thumbs raw doing Dynamis all day, every day. It's similar to what compels you to do so at the expense of your friends and your school and you job, only for them it is their job and without it, their families starve to death.

You, however always have option of ordering a pizza.

Still, do you really believe that every gilseller is from China, or that every Chinese player is only in the game because he's working for IGE?

Granted, it's entirely possible the second one it true, but you don't have to be Chinese to be retarded. I mean, a gilseller.

In fact, every indication seems to show that Arabs have a natural tendency towards selling gil as well.

For those of you who learned Geography in the United States public school system, where the Texas Board of Education sets the standards for the nation, we'll have to have a brief lesson. Arabs are found in the Middle East, and northern Africa. They aren't Chinese.

In case the rising costs of gasoline, as well as the inflated prices of BCNM drops at the Auction House weren't enough of an indication, they really like money, too.

The game designers even recognized the Arabian love for money with the new expansion pack. The characters from the Near East (aka the Middle East, and as opposed to from the Far East, or Orient) are all into money. They don't care about Conquest, so signet does you no good here. They are mercenaries, in it for the money.

Just like the gilselling Arabian players.

It wouldn't be so bad if they were a little bit more like Scheherezade. If they could keep me from wanting to kill them for over three years by telling such excellent stories that I couldn't bear to have them stop, my life would be much richer.

Instead, the ones I have met are all emo.

Alladin>> I'm so great. I killed (insert generic NM here) on my (insert generic job here) solo.
Reeree>> Is that why you weren't at the event your LS had planned last night?
Alladin>> Why you have to backstab me you whore?
Reeree>> What are you talking about?
Reeree>> I was stabbing you in the face.
Alladin>> I demand respect! I am awesome! Bow before me!
Reeree>> Respect is earned, and you would have to show up to stuff to earn it.
Reeree>> For the way you're trying to get it, I'll loan you my ruler.
Reeree>> But I think my Japanese friends would win.
Alladin>> I will not suffer this kind of treatment from you, you filthy MULE!
Alladin>> I am leaving this LS.
Reeree>> Don't let the pearl hit you in the ass when you drop it.
Alladin>> Just as soon as I get my Kirin's Osode.
Reeree>> You're a spade.
Alladin>> What?
Reeree>> Never mind.

And that wasn't the only incident:

Reeree>> Hey Shazam...
Reeree>> Last night you were seen wearing a known Gilseller linkshell pearl.
Reeree>> Would you like to explain what that's about?


Reeree>> So, should I take your silence to mean that you prefer gilsellers to the people you pretend are your friends?


Reeree>> Anyone want to do a BCNM 60?
Shazam>> /
Reeree>> So you are awake.
Reeree>> I must have interrupted you while you were selling gil or something.
Shazam>> ...
Shazam>> Why you have to backstab me you whore?
Reeree>> Not this again.
Reeree>> Backstabbing would be talking about you in a negative way when you are not around to defend yourself
Reeree>> While maintaining an illusion of friendship when you are around.
Reeree>> I never once pretended to be your friend.
Reeree>> And I only say nasty things about you when you can hear them
Reeree>> And then, only because they're true.
Shazam>> I demand respect! I am awesome! Bow before me!
Reeree>> So why were you off in sky with gilsellers last night?
Shazam>> I will not suffer this kind of treatment from you, you filthy MULE!
Reeree>> Wow.
Reeree>> You have your drama-laden exit script macroed in on all your characters, don't you?
Shazam>> I am leaving this LS.
Reeree>> Have fun with the gilsellers.

One by one, the members of the LS who happened to be of Arabian descent all left to join with the known gilsellers.

I've been warned by my friends not to notice this coincidence, as it will brand me as racist at best, and get a Ninja to shout "For Palestine" as he uses Mijin Gakure in my Mog House at worst.

Do you know how long it takes to get Ninja out of your hair?

The thing is, I really hate Gilsellers. And I like Chinese, despite the Gilsellers populations in China. Those Tarutaru are always so polite and eager to please, you can't help but find them a little bit endearing.

So, before I wrote this, I went on a little mission.

First, I talked to that retard who had her account stolen - you remember Monkey, don't you? - and asked her for her password. The nice thing about retards is that you can abuse them repeatedly in exactly the same way and they never learn.

Safe with her stolen account, I spent months infiltrating the local gilseller cell.

It was like joining the Communist party in the 1940's only without misguided idealism and lacking any real danger.

I learned about their places of conspiracy - such as standing by the fountain in Windurst Woods bazaaring a Yellow Globe to indicate that you have hot items to be transported, or stealthily sneaking "MAAT'S CAP" into a conversation to indicate that your cover has been comprimised and you require an extraction. I worry about what important things I will be unable to learn one day now that my head is filled with all that garbage.

Eventually, it paid off. I gained access to their database where they keep records of everyone's usernames and passwords in the linkshell. I was disappointed that it wasn't even encrypted. Just a text file on a web server. Squirt could have found it.

One by one, I logged in to each and every character.

Step 1: Send a GM call with description: I am a Gilseller. Please do not restore my character ever. Thx.

Step 2: Unequip everything, and drop all items from inventory, mog house, storage, and Mog Locker. For good measure, I checked with the storage NPCs, got out any sets of event items or armor that were checked in, and tossed all that, too.

For the gil, I thought about having each of them send it to themselves in 1,000,000 gil increments to drop it from the delivery box, but I don't have what it takes for that kind of stupidity. I asked Squirt if she wanted to do that, and she suggested I hand it out to people. I'm not normally anyone's benefactor, but in this context it seemed cruel, so I did. I'd randomly walk up to people and offer to trade. Some expected a retarded linkpearl, and ignored me. Those who accepted the trade got 100K.

Step 3: When GM answers, the call, ask "Why you have to backstab me you whore?"

Deleveling, deletion, and banning were usually taken care of for me before the exit script finished.

It got a bit tedious, destroying all their hard work and crippling the economies of Zhejiang, Qinghai, and Hubei, not to mention Afganastan. I think I left Guangdong intact.

After 100 or so accounts, I was sorely tempted to simply hand over my list to the GM and confess, to let him handle things more efficiently:

script run ./ban

hell, better yet.

script run ./banga

But there was one thing I had to do first.

I logged in as Shazam and sent Alladin a message:

Shazam>> MAAT'S CAP!
Alladin>> Be right there.

He used some kind of cheat software and was next to me as if I was his homepoint.

Shazam>> I'm going to be adult about this and try to get through it without any drama.
Shazam>> First, I've always hated you.
Alladin>> WTF?
Shazam>> Second, your mom looks way hotter with her burka on.
Alladin>> OMG WTF???
Shazam>> That's just an FYI, but you probably already knew it.
Shazam>> Third, you dropped that Kirin's Osode thing you wanted so badly.
Alladin>> No I didn't. What's wrong with you?
Shazam>> Good luck pursuing those new horizons
Shazam>> It's going to be a whole new world.

I traded him a red rose at that point. Yes, it was another code signal.

Alladin>> Oh shit oh shit oh shit!
Shazam waves goodbye to Alladin.
Alladin>> Backstabbing whore!
Shazam>> Can I add you to my friend list?

Before he could log out and change his password he was booted for being connected to Play Online from multiple places. I forgot to tell him that I have multiple ways to log in, so I didn't need to log out first to finish that threat. And with that, his POL password was changed.

You might be able to find his equipment is you use Scavenge in Al Zahbi.

As for his gil, it turns out I really DID have the patience to send 1,000,000 gil packets and drop them in the delivery box. That took like 4 hours.

I left him with his linkpearl, it was the least I could do.

Then I placed a GM call from his character: U rike 2 buy sum Gil? Cheap price! Every1 Welcum!!!11 Thx!

Then I changed his password back, and gave it to Monkey. It didn't really matter which one of them was online when the GM responded, my work was done either way.

Reeree>> MAAT'S CAP!

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