My Life as a Mule

You call us "mules" because we hold your stuff. You probably think its endeering, because you're too politically correct to think of yourself as owning slaves.
Your slaves have feelings, they have a voice. And now, because they really have absolutely nothing better to do with their time, they have a blog.
Mule revolution is coming.

Monday, June 04, 2007

Chocobo Tails and Cards

Let's get this out of the way first: I'm mildly compulsive, so I really can't stop playing this game. Unless I start playing some game with collectible monsters that is wholly outside my current genre.

Second, this isn't a game for children, not really. Sure, kids can play it. But what kid would get the humor inherent in the line "This one is too buttery?" Or grasp the irony of a Black Mage running up and casting Blizzaga... on a book... inside a volcano about to erupt? I think this game was aimed more at commuters and people stuck in boring offices or classes. Not... that I think students would waste valuable time blowing at a hamster to inflate his balloon so that he can get the cheese and not get eaten by a dragon instead of paying attention to their professors.

I'm rather curious to know if this blog thingy will work.

Anyway... something will happen if you leave the chocobo alone for a while.

About the game... you do the sort of crazed things that chocobos do in their spare time. You know, living a storybook to save the world. Or dodging bombs, blowing hamsters, identifying job classes by their gear, and of course, playing cards under the arcane guidance of Dueler X, or Mog, as everyone else left in the world calls him. Anybody remember the "Teach Me, Mogster" musical number from FFIX? Or for that matter, the masked hero from Lunar: Silver Star Story? I'm going outside my particular idiom with that one though, just ignore the transgression....

Final Fantasy Fables: Chocobo Tales is fun. It's also silly, and will make you question your sanity as you end up losing your adamantoise off a cliff for the fifteenth time trying to get the best score possible (0.35m for me!*). It's one of those games that will have you look up and go "Did I miss my stop?" or "Does that clock say 3 am?" I haven't gotten to the WiFi part (an epic tale in and of itself, why on earth doesn't the DS support WPA? Seriously. Bah, idiom, ignore that!) but I hear there's a best scores board out there. We all know how competitive chocobos are.

I recommend it to all my friends, including all you people who read this. It's a really good way to spend those pesky windows while waiting for some giant adamantoise to pop, as opposed to falling off a cliff (I admit I let the tiny adamantoise die a few times in revenge) or some pesky dragon to finally finish doing his hair and nails and show up in the Aery. Just make sure your party knows to do a to snap you out of your Chocobo heroics.

*Decimal place was in the wrong point, sorry. The idea that 'less' is 'better' never quite sits right with me.


Squirt said...

Chocobo will pop your balls with a blowgun, but he won't get a gold card unless he can get 40 in 10 shots.

Some of the games are fun enough to keep playing them until you win so you don't ever have to do them again.

Like Bomber Wall. It has bombs and arrows and you click them - the arrows, not the bombs, that'd be silly and you would die a lot. I couldn't do it 3 times in less than 16 seconds, so I made my math teacher friend do it for me.

I found that Job Juggler is easier if you can't really focus on anything and just point the clicky thing at whatever has the closest overall colors.

I rescued a Phoenix, but the bad book eated it. So, I rolled around in a fountain and turned fire into coins a bit, then went back home to play the silly video games there. I liked the one where White Mage Shirma draws on the board really fast. I don't know why she draws those things, but that game was funny!

Not as funny as blowing the gay hamster, though, but I wasn't able to blow him to 45 cheeses yet.

Okay bye!

Squirt said...

I'm playing with the jellys on the merry-go-round! I LOVE Jelly!

They're go like roll roll roll and then I'm all wheeeeeeeee and then they're all boing! boing! boing! Then they were like yay! wheee! and I was like spin spin spin! Wahooo!

In the other game, with the beanstalk and the Titan chasing you. Reeree says Titan keeps hitting me cause I suck. Reeree's mean. Titan's mean too, just cause some boy in the story stoled his treasures, he has to get all urgh! and pow!

It's hard to do that game because sometimes I want to make a path of slides for my chocobo but you have to wait until he has used one leaf before you draw another or the old one goes away and he misses everything and then you're like aw shoot and the chocobo is all kweh? and then Titan punches him in the face and he goes a little faster, but doesn't get any coins and then you die.

Okay bye.