My Life as a Mule

You call us "mules" because we hold your stuff. You probably think its endeering, because you're too politically correct to think of yourself as owning slaves.
Your slaves have feelings, they have a voice. And now, because they really have absolutely nothing better to do with their time, they have a blog.
Mule revolution is coming.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

How to Score a Geek Girl #3

Ok, so like these other girls were talking about how to score a geek girl, and I was like, you are both totally weird, and I thought I would give it a try myself. Not like I could do any worse!

1) Why do geek girls find geek guys attractive? Does it go beyond the ill-fitting clothes, the recent stench of stale pizza and spilled mountaindew, and the CRT radiation-burned eyeballs?

Um... it's the fact that you guys think our weird is cute and not creepy. We can talk to you about our passions: modeling (that's Warhammer modeling, not stupid chicks in bikinis), military history, gaming (pen and paper, computer, video - not gambling), string theory, creating worlds from the ground up and then destroying them... and you guys will actually listen. That's HAWT.

Plus, we can clean you. We can't teach jocks about why the Second Silesian War was so vital to the future development of Europe. Sure, they may be prettier to look at, but that shit gets old fast. Stupid jocks.

2) What can a geek guy do to get a geek girl to notice him?

PAY ATTENTION TO ME. Yeah, so I don't tell you about my day at work (we're geeks, our day at work involved pretty much the same stuff as yesterday). But ask me about my latest LS drama. Ask me about that new pattern I just bought for my new costume. Tip: I probably hate everyone I work with, don't ask about them unless I seem pissed off. But always feel free to discuss the new shineys with me (I <3 my Zune).

3) Does a geek girl judge a geek guy on the technology that he surrounds himself with?

Let me rephrase that for you:

3) Does a geek judge another geek on the technology that he surrounds himself with?

Of course I do. But I won't hold it against you - I just want to know what who where why and how. And then I'll show you mine. You remember this game from kindergarten, don't you? It's not girls and boys, it's stuff and friends. "... first ya gotta be my friend..." You know how it goes. If I can't talk to you, I'm not gonna be interested in you for very long.

4) True/False: Geek girls are more affectionate than non-geek girls. Why?

True. Well, for one thing, we're not scared of boys. You guys are like cute scared little bunnies. You're much less likely to be physically abusive of me (and if you are, I'm probably not going to take it) so I am not particularly afraid of you. (Please note: I'm much more likely to hurt you. And get away with it.) This lack of fear leads to trust, trust leads to snuggles, and snuggles lead to... scared bunnies with claw marks on their backs. I'm just saying.

5) What is the one conversation topic that a geek girl can't resist?


That actually applies to most girls. I think I'm fascinating, the stuff I do everyday is thrilling (in game at least), and I'm quite possibly the pinnacle of human perfection. If you agree, we'll have a lot to talk about. Don't be too obvious tho, no one likes a suck up.


If you were sincere....

Moving on.

6) Have you ever used your girl geekiness to sway the outcome of an event that a geek boy controlled? Say, for example, your ability to acquire an Xbox 360 on the day of release?

EB Games salesmen the world over can attest to the answer to this question.

Oh Hell Yes.

Magic melons, indeed. They're there for a reason, and they don't let me down.

I try to only use my powers for good. My good.

7) Do geek boys make better long term relationship partners that non-geeks? Why?

Seeing as I am single and have been for years, I can't really answer that question. But I suspect the answer is yes. There may be people who are prettier to look at than me (maybe) but I am intrinsically more interesting than all of them put together. The same is true of geek boys. Who can get bored with a boy who helps you design the perfect villain lair for your next dungeon? That's love.

Now I feel lonely.

8) True/False: Geek girls are impressed by geek boys that continuously show them how much smarter they are.

FALSE. That's annoying in anybody. I don't mind you joining up with me to look down on the rest of the universe. But showing off smarts is best done with ... smarts. Being a show off is stupid and annoying. Tip: I don't really like being beaten at video games. Having a victory handed to me is cute sometimes, but don't make a practice of it. Save it for special days. I far prefer your geeky and obscure sense of humor.

9) Amongst the members of the tribe 'geek', sexism does not exist. All geeks are created equal, therefore all are paid equal. Is this true in your experience?

My job title says you are lying. My paycheck says you are lying too. Sexism does exist, as does racism, colorism, originism... we're geeks, but still human. You can rise above it (and I appreciate it when you do) but that doesn't make it not exist.

10) What is the worst pick up line that a geek boy has used on you?


No comments: