My Life as a Mule

You call us "mules" because we hold your stuff. You probably think its endeering, because you're too politically correct to think of yourself as owning slaves.
Your slaves have feelings, they have a voice. And now, because they really have absolutely nothing better to do with their time, they have a blog.
Mule revolution is coming.

Friday, May 04, 2007

Oh Nough You Didn't

First of all, you know that people named after words just can't be trusted.  So there's this guy, Nough.  It's pronounced 'no' if you were wondering.  (And I'm sure that you were.)  Please keep in mind that his is a wholly fictional account based on various incidents.  Any resemblence to persons currently sobbing in a corner are totally incidental.

When you party with people, or do bizarre events with them, in fact, any time you are forced to join a party there is a Treasure Pool.  Things will drop into it.  Usually, out of politeness, people will just let items fall where they may.  Sometimes, someone may have a specific need for certain crystals ("Can I lot the water crystals? I'm an alchemist."  "Can I lot the fire crystals? I'm broke as hell.") or perhaps the entire purpose of the event was to kill a monster and get an item.  Usually, ownership of this coveted item is decided beforehand ("Your orb, your loot.") and are generally not at all complicated.  For example, he who trades the orb gets all the loot that drops.  When the next person trades their orb, they are entitled to that loot.  And so forth.  And that brings us back to Nough.

Nough joined in on one of these simple events with me (what can I say? the Big Man can do it alone but you need a minimum number of people to get in or something, I wasn't really paying attention.) and the rule was: The Big Man decides who gets what, since El Jefe was ... unavailable.  There will be no discussion, discussions waste time.  We had a large group of people, some of them were doing this just to get it done, some of them wanted shiny items.  But the rule was stated clearly: The Big Man decides, no one else.

Apparently, what is clear to a simple, goodhearted mule is completely unfathomable to someone who has spent years working on their jobs and adventuring and earning a decent reputation.  Or perhaps the sight of shiny things makes adventurers go crazy.  I've never really been very sure.

You find a Shiny Thing on the Big Wussy Monster.
You find a Neat Pants on the Big Wussy Monster.
You find a Fire Crystal on the Big Wussy Monster.

The Big Man: Okay, Chocolate, you lot that Shiny Thing and lets move on.
Nough: El Jefe said I could have the next Shiny Thing.
Butcherboy: Oh, this will be fun.
The Big Man: What? No he didn't.
Nough: Yes he did!  He totally did!  He said I could have if because I was so nice last time and didn't make a scene!  He said I could have the next one! Just call him if you don't believe me!*

Please note: El Jefe is off doing something where calling him would be ... Bad.  Also, useless.

<El Jefe> Abrázame con la piernas ¿así?... ¡Qué coño! <click>

The Big Man: Ok, the last thing El Jefe said to me before he left was that I was in charge.  And I told you all before we came, that I was in charge and I would decide who gets what.
Nough: ....

Chocolate's lot for the Shiny Thing: 23 points.

Butcherboy: Heh, good thing you don't have to beat anybody with that pathetic lot, Chocolate.

Nough's lot for the Shiny Thing: 938 points.
Nough's lot for the Neat Pants: 201 points.

The Big Man: wtf?
Butcherboy: Did you just try to ninja lot?
You can't even wear the pants you idiot!
Butcherboy: And we haven't even all passed yet, you moron.
The Big Man: Pass, right now or else.
Nough: NO! It's not fair, I always get fucked over, I never get the stuff I want, even tho I come to every event! It's mine and I'm lotting for it!** °
Butcherboy: You've been in this shell for a week.  Almost.
Chocolate: I think he came with baggage.
The Big Man: Well, he's not leaving with our stuff.

Nough has left your party.
Nough is no longer a member of your linkshell.

And then Nough got humiliated on national television (or at least the Vana'diel equivalent).

But Chocolate got her Shiny Thing!  And some other person who didn't do anything very interesting (i.e., he didn't contribute to the crazy) got the Neat Pants!  I got a free Fire Crystal!  The Big Man got to crush someone like a bug!  And El Jefe...

<El Jefe> ¿Vienes de una vez, coño? ¡Guau!

*I compressed a spread out period of babbling into one sentence to make the story a) coherent and b) flow better.

**Again, the actual babblings were much more spread out and insane.

°<El Jefe> I said he would get one with us, not that he could have the next one.


Raven said...

WOW...Nough reminds of a person I know. Always whinning about not get this or that item and how he always gets the shaft when comes to getting items. I am glad that I am not the other person who has to listen to this whining.

Butcherboy said...

Ma'am, let me tell you, this guy is the KING of whiners. He can't even compliment people on getting stuff without making it sound like a plea for more stuff. And it's never his fault, as far as he can tell. He doesn't understand the whole concept of 'earning' and just thinks everyone but him is being handed stuff. Never mind that these people who get Shiny Things and Neat Pants have been with the linkshell for years, have attended so many events with no reward it's not even a joke anymore. No, people like Nough don't believe in that level of hard work and try to take a shortcut, and end up completely destroying their reputation and in this case, his entire end-game career....


Squirt said...

Reeree says she saw this guy in the corner carving FFXI into his arm, only he spelled it wrong. HAHA! How can anyone be so silly? He must be a Gnubee.