My Life as a Mule

You call us "mules" because we hold your stuff. You probably think its endeering, because you're too politically correct to think of yourself as owning slaves.
Your slaves have feelings, they have a voice. And now, because they really have absolutely nothing better to do with their time, they have a blog.
Mule revolution is coming.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Auction House?

You might think that returning to a life of slavery would be just about the worst thing that could have happened to me upon arriving at this new world.

You would be spot on.

That is not to say that this gig is all bad all the time. Just this morning, I had this delightful conversation.

Boss> I'm leveling Pugilist...
Reeree> You mean monk?
Boss> No they don't have monks here.
Reeree> You punch things?
Boss> Yes.
Reeree> Do you get an ability to bite ears off?
Boss> What?
Reeree> Nevermind.
Boss> Right... so, once again, I'm leveling Pugilist.
Reeree> Monk. Never use a big word when a diminutive suffices.
Boss> Huh?
Reeree> Precisely.
Boss> I need you to go to the Auction House and get me some Leather Himantes.
Reeree> I'll go as soon as it opens.
Boss> When is that?
Reeree> Never.

It's supposed to be a means of preventing RMT, not having an centralized Auction House to be taken over by gilsellers. The logic is simple:

Step 1. Implement Homeland Security methodology where "inconvenience = security."
Step 2. ???
Step 3. Profit!

Boss> So there's no AH?
Reeree> There's bazaars.
Boss> How does that work?
Reeree> Think of it like shopping in a thrift shop. You browse for hours through piles of garbage that someone decided to sell rather than throw away. You can do this from the convenience of the Market Wards, which are like identical second-hand shops in a strip-mall in the poor part of town. You can also do this from the convenience of anywhere adventurers are found.
Boss> By "piles" you mean shelves organized by category and sub-category for convenience.
Reeree> No, by "piles", I mean piles. What you get when you empty one of the trucks they use to clean out houses on Hoarders.
Boss> Is there a search function?
Reeree> There's a manual search function. You walk around and you look at each individual bazaar. Sometimes you get lucky and find a great deal. Mostly you find marmot carcasses and carrots.

Boss> Maybe I'll just craft them, then. I've done some Leatherworking levequests. What's the recipe for Leather Himantes?
Reeree> Oh, you can easily craft them. Looks to be a level 11 craft. It just takes 6 wind shards, 4 earth shards, leather knuckle guards, bronze himantes grips, undyed canvas cloth, fish glue, and an antelope sinew cord.
Boss> Have you seen any of those ingredients in any of these bazaars?
Reeree> Nope. Not a one.
Boss> Well, how about the Leather Knuckle Guards, how do you craft those?
Reeree> Oh, you're not high enough level yet. That appears to be a level 21 craft.
Boss> In order to make a level 11 item, I have to first be able to make a level 21 component?

See, giant fireballs aren't the only way to cause pain.

Reeree> You know, as part of your contract with me, I can search for items you need so you don't have to click through all those unsorted, uncategorized bazaars.
Boss> That sounds great. Get me either the weapon, or the components to make one. That'll be awesome.
Reeree> No problem. All you have to do is hand me an item you're looking for and I'll get you as many more of it as you give me the gil to purchase for you.
Boss> Wait. What?

Her eyes literally bulged out of her head. I could hear something snapping inside her even over the sound of my own laughter.

Boss> Are you saying that in order to find an item I want to buy, I have to already own it?
Reeree> Simplifies the finding process immensely.
Boss> But that doesn't make any sense. If I already had one, why would I be searching for another one?
Reeree> To make a matching pair?
Boss> Aaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrggggghhhh!
Reeree> Your eyes are bleeding. And there is brain fluid leaking out your nose. I would like to state for the record that I did not cast any spells or violate my retainer contract.

No comments: