SPAM!

Who knew that the perfect gift after coming home from a cruise would be piles and piles of SPAM to dispose of?

Apparently, all the bots are talking about it.

Note, no more anonymous comments. I love to hear from my minions, but I don't love processed pork product - or whatever product you might be selling.

This is not a website about mini-trucks. I hope your mini-trucks are all destroyed in a fire on the second disk, during a non-skippable cut scene followed by a scratch on the DVD.

There are not lots of helpful pictures here.

No one comes to this site to discover whatever pathetic wares you have. They come to this site to stand together against the oppression of mules in Vana'diel. Or, to pretend to be without sin and cast the next, being too late for the first, stone.

If you have to resort to spamming about your junk here, then odds are absolutely no one is interested in your retarded products at all.

Good luck with that.

No, not with selling your stuff. Good luck with the cancer I wish on you. Let me know how that works out for you.

Sorry to inconvenience those of you who actually enjoy reading my plans to take over the world, requring you to log in to an account just to comment. It's cruel, but that's not out of character for me.

Waiting for the boat to leave

Yes, I'm taking a cruise for no other reason than to relax and do nothing at all. Now, you might think that such is the existence of a mule all the time. Sitting out in the sun trying to get people to spend their hard-won gil on rock salt is tougher than you might think.

Emotionally harder, anyway.

Getting ready to set sail has been an adventure on its own. There was some agro from a bottle of Kettle One. Heiter was kind enough to provoke it off me, though he's a white mage, so maybe that wasn't the wisest of moves.

He probably didn't need stitches. I'll bet there's not even a scar.

Well, you know, depending on how he parts his hair, not visible anyway.

Who's Heiter? That's the boss's boyfriend. He's like a demi-mule. She got a PC version of FFXI "so they could play together", but he ends up bazaaring her junk more than I do.

Heiter got the role of navigator along the way here. Mostly because my version of navigating involves statements like

Reeree>> So... we just need to go straight north from here.
Heiter>> But...
Reeree>> But what?
Heiter>> It's just that there's a building that way.
Reeree>> I don't see why that's a problem.
Reeree>> We'll just burn it down.
Heiter>> It looks like an orphanage.
Reeree>> Perfect.
Heiter>> How is that perfect?
Reeree>> Didn't you ever see Annie?
Reeree>> No one will miss them.
Heiter>> You have serious issues, you know that?

His method is a little more sedate.

Heiter>> Okay, turn right.
Reeree>> Where, exactly?
Heiter>> Back where I said "turn right."
Reeree>> ...
Heiter>> Now, technically, you want to turn completely around.
Reeree>> Now, technically, I'm going to have to burn down an orphanage
Reeree>> Just to calm my nerves.
Heiter>> You have serious issues, you know that?
Reeree>> We'll make s'mores. It'll be great.
Heiter>> Watch out for that Orc.
Reeree>> What Orc?

Orcish Fodder hits Reeree for 58 points of damage.
Reeree was defeated by Orcish Fodder.

Orcish Fodder hits Heiter for 47 points of damage
Heiter was defeated by Orcish Fodder.

It's been a long walk, and I'm never going to get the smell of burning orphan out of my robe.

On top of that, there are just some areas where you want to be extra careful. Here's something of how our conversations went:

Reeree>> Okay, we need sneak here.
Reeree uses a silent oil.
Reeree gains the effect of sneak.
Reeree>> What are you doing?
Heiter>> What?
Reeree>> We need sneak.
Heiter>> Okay.
Reeree>> That means you have to use the sneak oil.
Heiter>> Okay.
The effect of sneak is wearing off.
Reeree>> Seriously, what are you doing?
Heiter>> Did that work?
Reeree>> No.
The effect of sneak is wearing off.
Reeree>> I don't know what you think you did, but it didn't work.
Heiter>> Um...
Reeree sighs dejectedly.
Reeree>> Click into your inventory, select the sneak oil
Reeree>> Click it to USE it, then select yourself to use it on.
Heiter>> Okay.
Heiter>> I don't have a sneak oil.
Reeree>> I gave you two stacks!
Heiter>> You gave me silent oils.
Reeree>> ...
Reeree>> Use those instead, then.
The effect of sneak is wearing off.
Reeree>> Whenever you want to use that oil...
Reeree>> Today would be good.
Heiter uses a silent oil.
Reeree loses the effect of sneak.

Goblin Smithy hits Reeree for 471 points of damage
Heiter starts casting Cure on Reeree.
Reeree was defeated by Goblin Smithy.

Goblin Smithy hits Heiter for 378 points of damage.
Heiter was defeated by Goblin Smithy.

It's been a long trip getting here. My patience, which is almost nonexistant to begin with, has been tried and tested. Many times.

On the plus side, s'mores.

Manaclipper

I need to run to Carpenters Landing and then take a ride on the Manaclipper. As such, I'll be back in about two weeks.

Maybe one of the other mules will keep you up to date on the plan to take over the world while I am out, but I doubt it.

Whether I tell you about my adventurers will depend on how many comments I get.